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Missing Joke Quiz

Jokes from Peter Kay, Tommy Cooper, and the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Can you fill in the *MISSING* word from each joke? A bit of fun.


Quiz

  1. I like to imagine the guy who invented the *MISSING* was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.
  2. If quizzes are quizzical, what are *MISSING*?
  3. Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big *MISSING*.
  4. Mate of mine has just been sacked off the dodgems. But he’s doing them for *MISSING* dismissal...
  5. I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get *MISSING*.




  6. I sent a food parcel to my first wife by *MISSING*.
  7. So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, ‘That’s a *MISSING* disaster.
  8. Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an *MISSING* bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.
  9. My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be *MISSING*’.
  10. As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are *MISSING*.
  11. For years I thought the club’s name was Partick Thistle *MISSING*.
  12. You know you’re working class when your *MISSING* is bigger than your bookcase.
  13. Toilets are good at poker. They usually get a *MISSING*.
  14. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big *MISSING*.
  15. Why are crabs so bad at sharing? Because they’re all *MISSING*.
  16. A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my *MISSING* to blame though.
  17. When life gives you melons, you might be *MISSING*.
  18. Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a *MISSING*.
  19. One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder *MISSING*.
  20. Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hey! We don’t want your *MISSING* in here!’
  21. Two wifi engineers got married. The *MISSING* was fantastic.
  22. I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an *MISSING*. I thought: ‘This could be interesting.'



Answers

  1. UMBRELLA - I like to imagine the guy who invented the *MISSING* was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.
  2. TESTS - If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  3. RESTAURANT - Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant.
  4. FUNFAIR - Mate of mine has just been sacked off the dodgems. But he’s doing them for funfair dismissal...
  5. PASTA - I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.
  6. FedEx - I sent a food parcel to my first wife by FedEx.
  7. TURTLE - So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, ‘That’s a turtle disaster.
  8. IKEA - Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.
  9. SICILY - My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be Sicily’.
  10. GROCER - I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.
  11. NIL - For years I thought the club’s name was Partick Thistle Nil.
  12. TV - You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.
  13. FLUSH - Toilets are good at poker. They usually get a flush.
  14. PLUS - What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
  15. SHELLFISH - Why are crabs so bad at sharing? Because they’re all shellfish.
  16. SHELF - A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.
  17. DYSLEXIC - When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.



  18. SCENE - Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
  19. UDDER - One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder failure.
  20. TYPE - Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hey! We don’t want your type in here!’
  21. RECEPTION - Two wifi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.
  22. EGG - I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting.'